These chapters of The Deep made me feel a sense of sympathy for Yetu as she was experiencing an internal struggle between picking herself or others. She is torn between her duty to her community and her own need for self-preservation. Without her identity as a historian, who was she? When she first experiences life without the burden of memories, she finds herself capable of making a deeper connection with someone else. She experiences emotions, connections, and conversations that were previously out of reach for her.

The passage that ends chapter 7 is what really stuck with me. It reads, “At least with pain there was life, a chance at change and redemption. The remembering might still kill her but the wajinru would go on, and so, too, would the rest of the world. The turbulent waves were a chaos of her own making and it was time to face them (126).” Despite the pain Yetu endures as a result of the History, it affirms that these experiences are a vital part of her existence. She realizes that this pain is a testament to her growth and the ability to persevere in the face of adversity. She carries the immense burden of her peoples’ memories and is forced to experience the trauma and pain first hand. She is burdened by the weight of their memories and chose her mental and emotional well-being as she couldn’t continue to sacrifice herself for them. But, she ultimately realizes that she needs to help her people in order to save them. Even though she knows this will cause her pain that may even kill her, she is willing to put others first. She realizes that her role as the historian is not just a burden but also a vital aspect of her identity and purpose. Her people rely on her to preserve the History and their culture and that abandoning them would be leading to far-reaching consequences. She acknowledges that this chaos is in part of her decisions and is willing to face the internal and external struggles that await. She is ready to confront the painful memories she has been suppressing and embrace the responsibility she has as Historian. Although this is her “job,” I still find myself feeling bad for her as she did not choose to have this life. It seems unfair that she doesn’t get to experience much happiness in life unless she is away from her community where she doesn’t have to constantly relive trauma.